If you’re reading this letter, you have the Department’s deepest apologies as to your recent filing of unemployment. It is a shame that such a qualified and talented individual as you would have trouble finding work, if not sometimes unexpected.

We will cut straight to the point. You have been drafted into D.P.I.D, Department of Paranormal Investigation and Defense, the country’s best kept secret! You may have heard of us, but if you have, you’re lying. Our lineage traces back to just after the infamous Roswell extraterrestrial rest-stop incident. The US, stepping in to stop the ages-long feud between the CIA and FBI on supernatural matters, founded DPID. For more than sixty years we have thanklessly been saving the nation from threats that walk between light and dark.

You will report to the enclosed address in Adelphi, Ohio by noon, October 31 of this year.

Keep in mind that if we know your unique skill set, we know a lot more about you than you might like. We’d recommend not being late for this exciting job opportunity.

Lauren Osborne
DPID Commander
DPID Headquarters, Below

Project Paranoia